Two Books, a Reunion, and The Muppet Christmas Carol
Introduction
We are wading through holiday season—a time for reflection, reunion, giving, and conversation. My own year has included a family memorial, a high school 50th year reunion, many work meetings, and other family / friend connections.
Sometimes, there are unwritten rules in these settings. One of my high school classmates joked at our reunion: “we broke all the rules and spoke about politics and religion well into the night!”
Even in the midst of tiptoeing around certain topics, suddenly there are moments of “opposing opinions, strong emotions, and high stakes.” This is a “crucial conversation” as defined by the book of the same title.i I hope to learn to put into practice the contents of this book rather than to just keep quiet or move in the other direction and break relationships. This book seeks to teach a third way of handling a charged interaction. The authors’ state:
You can measure the health of relationships, teams, and organizations by measuring the lag time between when problems are identified and when they are resolved.ii
The book goes on to share the skills toward beneficial conversations late into the night or at our work meetings.
I connected with one of my high school classmates and asked about a crucial issue from 50 years ago. Talk about a lag time! After our interaction, wrong assumptions I had held were thrown out and I learned of a peaceful internal resolution for that person. I was thankful.
Francis Collins delves into this complicated process of hearing and understanding each other in his bookiii written since retiring as Director of the National Institutes of Health in 2021. He illustrates our cognitive bias using a metaphorical “web of belief.”iv He unpacks this through sharing about discussions that led ultimately to friendship with one of the many people who criticized Dr. Collins during the COVID-19 pandemic. Francis and his friend leave a beautiful example of building bridges in this world of complicated relationships as we grapple with truth, science, faith, and trust.
I suppose there is no time to read these books before your holiday reunions! And I know I can’t remember how to apply the many good ideas. But I leave with some quotes shared by three of my high school friends at the reunion. These may steady the ship if a crucial conversation arises:
Love everyone, especially your enemies. (Skeeter Wilson)
Any fight for justice is your fight. (Skeeter Wilson)
I have never learned a thing from someone I agreed with. (Skeeter Wilson)
(High school) taught me that one can build a family without being born of the same parents. (Keren Whitson Roark)
We continually seek to appreciate our differences and build our lives together. (Jenni Welch Schrader)
First, we must listen; listen to the people and the world around us; and listen with our whole being. Only then will we learn what our whole world and its people need most and be able to effectively give of ourselves to make a positive difference. (Jenni Welch Schrader)
Each of the above had me pondering how to apply in my family or work situations. I am appreciative of connecting with these high school classmates.
The Muppet Christmas Carol passes a bit of cheer to me, and I end passing this on to you for your holiday moments. Whether alone or with family / friends, enjoy a taste of the Charles Dickens classic put on by the Muppets! Tiny Tim sings:
Let us hear the voice of reason singing in the night
Let us run from anger and catch us when we fall
Teach us in our dreams and please, yes please,
Bless us one and allv
Resources
Some Resources for this Blog:
i Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2023). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (3rd ed.). McGraw Hill
ii Grenny et al., 2023, p. 5.
iii Collins, F. S. (2024). The road to wisdom: On truth, science, faith, and trust. Little, Brown and Company
iv Collins, 2024, pp. 51-53.
v Williams, P. (1992). Bless us all [Song]. On The Muppet Christmas Carol (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack). Walt Disney Records.
About the Author
James W. Barnett, MD, is the Rural Student Physician Program Director and a Clinical Associate Professor in the Department of Family Medicine and Community Medicine.